Diary

  Woke up to the same kind of feelings as yesterday night; disappointment and missing. Saw a cup of tea that Amma prepared for me, waiting to be mixed with milk powder. With all my strength, I kept my urges under control to keep that cup of tea from touching my lips. Appa had bought some pathiri for me, which faced the same fate as the tea. Morning was sluggish, I was physically and mentally depleted. I quickly got ready for the day, switched on my laptop and started working. Whenever I saw a mirror I noticed how fat I have become.  My ex told me that she saw me in her dream this morning, talking to each other, me on top of a ladder and she on top of a desk. Well I am pretty sure we were eloping but she just won't agree with me on that😝. I really do miss her. I know that the boats have long sailed, but I day dream of travelling back to time and being there for her when she needed me and also buying some bitcoins😅. Well there is no point thinking about either now. She had als...

 Well, was chatting with my ex, had to say goodbye to her because I was feeling emotional, started to miss her while taking to her. So I thought it would be better to not get myself into a state where I myself or she can't satisfy my emotional needs. There was a time when we cud have, but now the restrictions make us restrict how we act. END OF THE STORY. This is early morning, 2 o clock, saw the lights on in my bathroom, so I got up to switch it off, and then I thought "Well I better pee now". So I did that, and while walking out of the bathroom, I thought to myself, it has been weeks since I checked my weight. Since I peed, I can expect a weight hovering around 96-97kg and  then sleep in peace. Took the weighing machine out from the rubbles, stood on it, and it read 100.2kg!!!!! I was shocked, to say the least. But  the weighing machine when not used regularly have shown some inaccuracies of 1-2Kgs in the past. So I stood on it again, and again and again.......